I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
