Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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