she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We talked him into tasing himself.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
