omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
