Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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