oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
