You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
