I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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