i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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