smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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