There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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