Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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