The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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