It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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