i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
