How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Randomize
