God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
