I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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