New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
