Your dad touched me again.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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