I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
