There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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