i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
