Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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