Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
