i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
