It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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