Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
