I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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