I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
