Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
