3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
