I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
