I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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