Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
