You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
