is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
