This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
