dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
