The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
