That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
two words: eviction party
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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