I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
