just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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