sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
