What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
