IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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