i'm signing you up for texting rehab
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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