Can Purell be used as lube?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
