Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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