I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
