I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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