I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What a dumb baby whore.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
