I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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