so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
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I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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