I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
