Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
