I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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