i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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