I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
