I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You are a genius and a whore.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
