What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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