Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
