yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
