honey bunches of taint.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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