And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was confusing and full of hummus
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
