If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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