Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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