YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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