I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
