he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
