You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
