The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
