Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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